(A reprint first puyblished in OutNW Magazine, July 2026)
It’s happened again. Another die-hard promoter of “Conversion Therapy” has been caught with their pants down. This time it is the last grand minister of the most well-known ex-gay organization in the world, Exodus International. Alan Chambers was busted in an undercover child sex sting, accused of attempting to meet a 14-year-old boy for sex. Unsurprisingly, the rise and fall of such extremists is nothing new. Fast turnover is a regular occurrence because even the leadership can’t keep up the charade. None of them have authentically changed their orientation from gay to straight.
I’ve kept tabs on folks like these over the years because in my youth, growing up in a rigid religious environment, I turned to an ex-gay ministry. They promised to change my sexuality, thereby increasing my worthiness to be loved, which I wanted so desperately from my church, my family, and God. It didn’t work. It screwed with my head and life in major, damaging ways. The ministry, though well meaning, decimated my confidence and intuition, undermined my emotional health, cast a dark shadow of doubt over my spirituality, and submerged me in paralyzing shame. It took decades of therapy and hard work to recover any sense of spiritual peace and mental health. Ironically, it was conversion therapy that set me on a path to become a sexologist, because that horrible experience supercharged me to understand what sexuality was truly about. Now, I often work with gay men who have come out of the same abusive environments. I am so fulfilled to support others as they find healing, wholeness, and acceptance for who they are, sexuality included.
So, take it from someone who has been there and come out on the other side, here are 3 truths that I wish I could have understood from the beginning. These points will also help you to maneuver through the often-confusing talking points that the media and the church misuse to manipulate and deny the reality and importance of a positive queer sexual health.
1. Conversion therapy is fabrication of extreme religion. I’ve never met a conversion therapist who is atheist—let that sink in. Look beneath their psycho-babble and you will find that very few of them have professional degrees, but all of them will say that they are first and foremost, Christians. They believe that God has personally tasked them to fix all the broken and confused gays. Ultimately, they don’t think LGBTAI+ would even exist in Jesus’ perfect world order.
2. There is no therapeutic process to change one’s sexual orientation. The ex-gay movement has been asked for decades, “Please, show us the process in which you change from gay to straight” and they always come up empty handed, expect maybe “pray the gay away”. Even back when I attended my first group, there were conversations about needing to sound more psychological to legitimize and spread their propaganda, and they were good at that. They got the media and society to start calling their ministries Conversion or Reparative “Therapy”. My colleagues and I like to joke that Conversion Therapy is neither. It neither converts orientation, nor is it a therapeutic process. If the ex-gay movement was a pharmaceutical company that offered a pill to change orientation, they would have been put in jail long ago for fraud. But because they are protected behind the church as a ministry, they can get away with saying and doing just about anything.
3. Conversion Therapy does devastating harm. Years ago, when I just wanted to be loved, I trusted that ministry with my life. I was too young and vulnerable to know that their “godly” agenda was just their own biases, fears, traumas, and often outright lies. They preached that I was broken and that it was probably my parents fault. They drilled into me that I didn’t understand my own sexuality, and that they knew what was right for me. Worse still, if I didn’t follow everything they said, I would be kicked out, I would go to hell, and God would utterly reject me. They set me on a no-win shame spiral that brought me to the brink. Now I know that whenever someone says, “You don’t know what’s best for you. I will enforce my beliefs about sexuality on you.”—this is a kind of sexual abuse.
Ex-gay survivors are abuse survivors who have experienced all the trauma of being in a long-term abusive relationship with the church. But most of us took years to recognize that it was actually abuse. Some have never gotten out of the damaging system. They go round and round with unending turmoil and endless shame, never feeling authentically straight and too afraid to possibly accept themselves as they are. It is an isolating existence, indeed. Far too many turn to various addictions to numb the deep self-loathing and to self-destruct. Many end up contemplating suicide, and tragically some have not survived.
I am under no illusion about the future of the ex-gay movement. Even if the psychological community can root out these bogus “therapies”, and even if states can outlaw their practices, there will always be cults who say, “My Jesus can heal you of anything,” and people will be damaged and harmed by these horribly misguided manipulators. In many ways, the ex-gay movement is a reflection of our nation’s homophobia and erotophobia at large. That’s why I will never stop saying to survivors, and I say to you right now: You are NOT broken. You are worthy of love and your unique, beautiful sexuality deserves expression. Many people have found their sexuality to be, not a curse from God, but a gift from God, and yours is a gift too. You are not alone. A vast and sex-positive community will love and embrace you, just as you are. We will celebrate your amazing sexuality together! You are welcome here.
Sexologist Jallen Rix is a sex therapist and sacred intimate with a practice in Palm Springs CA. His new book, Sexual Being, Stories & Lessons that Free the Erotic Self, will be out in the Fall of 2026. doctorrix.com